


Rogue One and Zombies

by SuchStuffAsDreamsAreMadeOn



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Angst, Panic Attacks, Zombies, attempted self sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 03:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18652171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuchStuffAsDreamsAreMadeOn/pseuds/SuchStuffAsDreamsAreMadeOn
Summary: '“Do you think Draven knew what was going on here and just conveniently forgot to tell us?” Jyn demands in between blaster shots.  She crouches once again behind the rock she and Cassian are using for cover.  Cassian has his back to the boulder, breathing hard.“I don’t see how he could know,” Cassian counters.  “All communication off this rock was knocked out when the sickness struck.  Chirrut and Baze didn’t have time to send anything more than a distress signal before they were shut down.”Jyn shrugs a grudging admittance that Draven probably didn’t purposely send them to their deaths just to be rid of her.  But still, she wouldn’t put the idea past him.Peeking over the edge of the rock again, Jyn could see the ancient citadel, the only structure still standing from the race of people who lived here Force only knew how many years ago.  No one had ever discovered what had lead to that peoples’ extinction.  Jyn thinks it is a reasonable guess that it might have had something to do with everyone turning slightly green and trying to kill each other.Because that’s what is happening now.'Cassian and Jyn are sent on a rescue mission when a mysterious sickness hits.





	Rogue One and Zombies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dorian_burberrycanary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorian_burberrycanary/gifts).



> This work was written for the wonderfully patient [burberry canary](https://burberrycanary.tumblr.com/). Thank you for the wonderful prompt and for waiting so long!

“Do you think Draven knew what was going on here and just conveniently forgot to tell us?” Jyn demands in between blaster shots. She crouches once again behind the rock she and Cassian are using for cover. Cassian has his back to the boulder, breathing hard.

“I don’t see how he could know,” Cassian counters. “All communication off this rock was knocked out when the sickness struck. Chirrut and Baze didn’t have time to send anything more than a distress signal before they were shut down.”

Jyn shrugs a grudging admittance that Draven probably didn’t purposely send them to their deaths just to be rid of her. But still, she wouldn’t put the idea past him.

Peeking over the edge of the rock again, Jyn could see the ancient citadel, the only structure still standing from the race of people who lived here Force only knew how many years ago. No one had ever discovered what had lead to that peoples’ extinction. Jyn thinks it is a reasonable guess that it might have had something to do with everyone turning slightly green and trying to kill each other. 

Because that’s what is happening now. 

Another man is lumbering towards them, seemingly possessed. His movements are unnatural, as if he’s sleepwalking, but fast. Jyn fires her blaster, the bolt hitting the oncoming man in the shoulder. The man continues advancing. She fires again, this time hitting the chest. He keeps coming. 

“Aim for the head, Jyn!” Cassian shouts as his blaster-bolts fly from around the other side of the bolder. Doing as he says, Jyn aims at the light green skin of the man’s forehead, then pulls the trigger. The man - or perhaps he is now a monster - goes down immediately.

The headshot continues to down monster after monster. They lurch up the hill towards them, unspeaking, and one by one, as they get close enough, Jyn and Cassian pick them off. 

When Cassian’s blaster falls silent the pair peer around the boulder once more. There are no new threats to be seen, but Jyn’s eyes fall, unbidden, to the corpses littered around their hiding space. She watches as blood, which had been mysteriously withheld from their wounds before the headshot, begins seeping onto their clothes - onto the Rebel insignia patch sewn to their sleeve. These had been Rebels - _their_ Rebels - and for a moment Jyn thinks she might be sick. 

They had been met by a Rebel patrol - tattered and torn - when they landed. They had still been cognizant, enough, at least, to tell Jyn and Cassian what had been going on over the last few days after the first group to turn had knocked out communication. The Rebels had been here a week before the first batched turned, their skin becoming greenish, their eyes going glassy. At first they worried that they were becoming ill. 

And they were, in a way. 

First they became ill, then they became hungry.

The patrol told of how the infected had, without warning, turned on their caregivers, scratching and clawing, but most of all, biting. Those bitten had turned much more quickly than the first batch, the toxin seeming to work faster when transmitted through saliva. 

The patrol they had met didn’t know who or what was left. Their breathing had become labored as they said they’d escaped. Their bodies had begun to twitch as they’d said the main group had split up. Their words had become garbled as they’d said they were hungry. 

Cassian’s hand was in Jyn’s just as she’d seen the green sheen appearing across the Rebel’s skin. They had run, the men and women who should have been their allies giving chase. The boulder had been the first cover they’d found. 

Stumbling slightly, Cassian emerges from his side of the rock, crossing to the nearest body and kneeling by its side. “They were our people, Jyn,” he murmurs in disbelief.

Shutting herself off from the heart shattering tone in Cassian’s voice, Jyn scans the horizon, unsure of what to expect next.

“We need to bury them.” 

“We don’t have time, Cassian.” Jyn keeps her voice gentle but firm. The Rebels are her new family, but Cassian had grown up with them. They mean more to him than she, an orphan, could perhaps ever understand. “We have to keep going. Find out what happened to Chirrut and Baze. Find out what’s left.”

Cassian doesn’t move.

“We’re not safe here, Cass,” Jyn pursues. That seems to snap Cassian back to reality, and he stands, turning away from the bodies.

“The citadel is our best bet,” he reasons, and although Jyn has already deduced this she lets him take the lead, allowing his mind to find something, anything, else to focus on. “It’s the only fortifiable place around. If Baze or Chirrut or anyone else is-” his voice shakes, “ _alive_ it’s likely they’d be there.” 

They head down the ridge together, blasters out, Cassian taking the lead, Jyn watching his back. It is a formation they have used a hundred times before, one they fall into as naturally as breathing. And yet, this isn’t like any other time. There are no stormtroopers waiting amongst the ruble, instead it is Rebels, their own Alliance members, that are waiting to kill them. 

They are almost to the entrance of the citadel when Jyn’s eyes catch movement. The man is on them in a blur and Jyn calls out to Cassian even as the monster knocks her off her feet, sending her blaster flying. Her head hits the hard sand ground with a crack and Jyn struggles as the thing that used to be a man grapples with her, clawing at her face. For a moment everything is a tangle of limbs, then there is the unmistakable sound of blaster fire and the thing suddenly falls slack beside her, the smouldering in the side of his head making the air smell of burning flesh. 

Jyn doesn’t truly realize what happened until Cassian is there, shoving the used-to-be man off her. She gasps and kicks, trying to get away from the body, and Cassian pulls her to her feet, supporting half her weight as her head spins and shoving her blaster back into her hands.

“Jyn. Jyn! Are you alright?” She nods, still sucking in air as she looks down at herself, noting distantly the bloody scratches on her arms and neck. Scratches, but not bites. “Can you walk?” Cassian’s voice is worried, his hand still gripping her forearm tightly, but it is not his gaze Jyn’s eyes find. There is more movement in the trees to their left - and there again on her right. 

“I think I need to do more than walk,” she mutters to Cassian quietly as his eyes find what she has just seen. They are still for a moment, then, together, they bolt.

The path, such as it is, that leads to the great citadel is sand beneath their feet and Jyn finds her boots sinking with each step. She fires a few bolts over her should, hoping at least to keep the things at bay long enough for them to reach the structure. It is only when they felt the cool stone shade wash over them that Jyn realizes they don’t have a plan for what to do once they’d reached it. 

They stumble together into the citadel entrance, and emerge in a smallish atrium. Cracks and missing rocks in the ceiling allow light into the space, however the gloom is still thick enough that Jyn, slightly dizzy from her fall, trips over a piece of debris before catching herself on the stone wall. Her hand comes away gooey and wet. 

In the moment or two they have to take in their surroundings one thing becomes painfully clear. There is no way in or out of this chamber, other than the entrance which, even as they turn, is being quickly filled by the lumbering shape of the used-to-be Rebels. Jyn adjusts her grip on her blaster, her hand still slick, then takes careful aim. One monster goes down, then another. Jyn grits her teeth and focuses. _It’s just another threat,_ she reminds herself. _Just take them down, one at a time._

But there are more coming and Jyn suddenly realizes just how many Rebels were sent to this planet. If they all turned… If Chirrut and Baze turned... 

Just as she thinks it a grating sounds fills the space. To her left, a slab of rock separates from the others and moves quickly aside, revealing a small tunnel and the light of several glowlamps. Suddenly a hail of bolts, coupled with the familiar sound of Baze’s repeater cannon, fills the air. 

“Jyn, Cassian. Here.” Chirrut’s voice is instantly a comfort. If he’s talking he’s not a brain dead monster, Jyn reasons. Quickly, their blaster fire joining Baze’s, Cassian and Jyn make their way into the tunnel. As soon as they are clear the rock slides back into place behind them.

“Don’t touch the walls,” orders one of the other Rebels.

Chirrut’s calm voice is at Jyn’s elbow. “Is everyone alright?” he asks, followed quickly by Baze’s slightly harsher tone.

“No one got bitten?” 

There are murmured ‘no’s from the group and once Baze seems to have accounted for everyone in the dim glowlamp light they begin walking.

Cassian’s hand is on her bicep as they are led in near darkness through the tunnel. Their footsteps are soft in the sand floor when they emerge into another stone chamber. There are a few other tunnels leading out in different directions, and three more Rebels wait in the dim light of the circle of glowlamps that has been set up in the center of the chamber. Jyn glances behind her as Baze, Chirrut, and two more rebels she does not recognize emerge from the tunnel. _Are there only seven left?_ She wonders in shock.

“You got them, then?” one of the women who had stayed behind asks.

“We got them,” Baze confirms, before pulling Jyn into a hug. “It’s good to see you, little sister.” Jyn finds it is only now, being half crushed to death by Baze and seeing Chirrut’s soft face turned towards her, that she is able to release a shaky breath. 

“It’s good to see you, too.”

Baze claps Cassian on the back once he releases her, but Jyn notes with slight confusion that Chirrut hangs back, his focus on her, his brows furrowed.

Cassian’s voice pulls her attention back to him as he addresses the room. “We have a ship. As long as we can get to it we should be able to get everyone out. Bring only weapons you can run with. We’re going to have to move fast.”

The others nod and, with the thought of an escape now giving them hope, begin preparing the few supplies they have. With a quick nod towards one corner, Cassian draws Chirrut and Baze with them away from the others. He crosses his arms, ever the captain even though Jyn can see the pain in his eyes. “Is this all that’s left?” he asks. Baze nods.

“As far as we’re aware. The first outbreak turned nearly half of us.” Jyn shuddered. That was at least fifty people. Fifty _Rebels_. “We didn’t know what was happening at first. That batch killed at least another fourth. They’ve been picking us off from there.” 

Cassian is grim faced. “And do you know what caused it? The initial outbreak, I mean.”

This time it is Chirrut to speak up, and when he does his voice is sad. “The sickness comes from the organisms that live on the walls of this temple. The first group to turn was the group that was trying to convert some of the rooms here into a command center.”

Slow horror fills Jyn as she looks at the walls, glistening in the dim light from the glowlaps. Suddenly the command in the tunnel and the group of Rebels huddled in the center of the room, well away from the walls, makes sense.

“Then won’t we become infected just by being here?” Cassian demands.

Baze shakes his head, and Jyn’s heart sinks as she realizes what he is going to say. “You’ll only be infected if you touch the walls, if you get any of it on you.” Involuntarily, Jyn’s hand tightens on her blaster, the grip still slick beneath her hand.

Chirrut turns to her. “Jyn…” Baze and Cassian look at her in confusion.

“When we can in,” she starts, struggling to swallow as her mouth goes dry. “I was still dizzy from hitting my head…”

In an instant she can see her horror reflected on Cassian’s face as he remembers. “You fell against the wall.” Jyn nods and Baze swears even as Cassian is stripping off his light jacket and handing it to her. “Wipe your hands off. It was only a little and it hasn’t been that long. Maybe-”

“I don’t think time is a factor, Cassian,” Jyn whispers, even as she does as he’d said. Chirrut’s sad shake of his head is confirmation enough. She tosses Cassian’s jacket away. 

There is panic in Cassian’s eyes now as his gaze flicks between Jyn and their two friends. “We just have to get out of here,” he reasons, his words nearly tripping over his tongue in his desperation. “You said the first round didn’t turn for almost a week. That’s plenty of time for medbay to find a cure.”

“Cassian-” Jyn’s low voice is cut off by the Rebel woman who had spoken earlier.

“She’s sick, isn’t she?” the woman demands pointing at Jyn. 

“We don’t know that yet,” Baze’s voice rumbles, but the woman doesn’t seem to care. Her blaster is out and pointed at Jyn so quickly it is clear why she was chosen for this mission.

Before Jyn can act Cassian is in front of her, palms out, blocking the shot that should be for her. “Don’t,” Cassian’s voice is commanding, even if Jyn can tell by the set of his shoulders how upset he is. She knows the gun pointing at his chest has little to do with it. “No one is killing her, alright? We have a ship now, we can get back to the Alliance and we can find a cure.” 

“Mariday, put the blaster down,” Baze reasons. 

“And what if they can’t find a cure?” Mariday demands. “What if she turns on base and kills everyone? What if this spreads off-world - across the _Galaxy_ \- and becomes uncontainable?”

Jyn thinks she might be sick. Is what Mariday fears really so impossible?

“We are not going to kill each other,” Cassian nearly shouts.

“Who do you think I’ve been killing?” Even in the small chamber Mariday’s voice tops Cassian’s. The desperation, pain, and loss in her voice nearly break Jyn’s heart then and there. She can see Cassian falter at the woman’s words. She knows Cassian won’t let anyone kill her. He’s saved her life more times than Jyn can count. But Jyn also knows, even as her fingers tighten on her blaster, that Mariday’s words aren’t wrong. She could end it all right here, she reasons. She could raise her blaster to her head and squeeze the trigger. She would keep the rest of the Alliance out of danger and would save Cassian the pain of watching her turn, of seeing her put down, of maybe having to kill her himself. She can’t do that to him. She may not know exactly what is between them, but she knows killing her would break Cassian’s heart. And she knows that she would never hurt him.

It only takes a moment for these thoughts to filter through Jyn’s mind, for her shaking hand, blaster tight in her grip, to raise. But the feeling of the cold steel of her blaster against her temple is cut short when Chirrut, one with the Force as ever, knocks her blaster out of her hand with is staff. The next moment she finds herself eye to eye with Cassian.

“Jyn,” his voice is broken, his eyes horrified, but Jyn doesn’t back down.

“She’s right, Cassian,” Jyn reasons. “We don’t know if the Alliance can fix this, and if this thing spreads, if I hurt anyone… if I hurt _you_ …” she trials off, silently imploring Cassian to see that this is the only way. Instead, Cassian’s face hardens. 

“No.” He turns to address the room. “We’re getting out of here. We’re making a run for it, we’re getting on that ship, and we are getting home.” He turns back to Jyn, his voice quieter. “All of us.”

She knows he’s wrong, knows he’s making a decision based on his heart rather than his head, and she knows that, in any other situation, Cassian would never make such a mistake. But there’s something more, something unnamed and terrifying between them. They have danced around it for months, and while Jyn has revealed in the soft moments when their skin meets or their eyes lock, she sees now that, whatever this is, it is a weakness.

And yet, knowing this doesn’t stop her hands from shaking, or the pull she feels deep in her stomach when she looks into Cassian’s eyes. Even now, facing the end, with fear and horror etched onto Cassian’s face, all she wants to do is lean into his chest and melt into his arms. She has never felt this before and, even now, with the images of what she will soon become still so clear, she doesn’t want to let it go.

“Alright, Cassian,” she whispers.

He relaxes, but when he reaches for her arm she pulls away. She has only a second to register the pain in his eyes before he has turned back to the rest of the group, issuing quick orders to ready them for the fight that is to come. Chirrut tries to talk to her, but Jyn quickly cuts over his murmured words of sympathy. “Once they’re all onboard you leave, with or without me. Got it?” Chirrut must sense her anger and determination, because although his face is sad, he nods. Jyn softens at the look he friend give her. “It’s alright. It’s not your fault. Make sure Baze knows. And Bodhi too. And Cassian…” she pauses for a moment, the number of things she wants to tell Cassian suddenly overwhelming. “Tell him I’m sorry,” she finally finishes. 

“The Force will be with you, Jyn Erso.” Jyn picks her blaster up and draws away before Chirrut can touch her, her hand on her kyber crystal. She sits in a corner - the Rebels she doesn’t know unwilling to go near her and the ones she does know shooting her periodic concerned glances - while she cleans her blaster to within an inch of its mechanical life, making sure that ever spot the slime might have gotten on shines in the dim glowlight. 

Finally, Cassian announces they are ready, and the group stands. Chirrut points them to a different tunnel, telling them it will come out closer to where they landed the ship, and the team falls into ranks. Jyn stays behind them, giving Cassian a quick nod when his eyes find hers.

They make it out through the tunnel single file, no one touching the walls despite the cramped space. Chirrut taps a section of stone with his staff when they reach an apparent dead end and a stone slab shifts away from the rock. The sun is bright when they reach daylight. As soon as Jyn is out of the tunnel they set off, sticking together as Cassian had instructed, their quick feet quiet in the sand. Jyn and Baze watch their backs as Cassian and Chirrut take the lead. 

It only takes a minute or two for the monsters to find them. Jyn catches the movement and lets out a cry of warning. The blaster in her hand takes down the used-to-be-man even as the next one takes its place. She shudders to think how soon she will be like them.

 _Just get them on the ship,_ she reminds herself. _Just get Cassian on the ship._

In moments, chaos descends. There are monsters coming from every direction, and it is only the Rebel’s training that keeps them moving together towards the shine of their ship’s metal in the sunlight. The young man in front of her trips over the body of one of the used-to-bes that had already been brought down, but Jyn grabs the back of his jacket and pushes him forward before he can fall. Baze is beside her, his repeater cannon keeping time as they run. 

Jyn makes sure to keep Cassian in her sightline at all times. When they are about fifty meters from the ship Cassian skids to a quick halt, ushering Chirrut and the others past him as he turns to hold off their attackers. Jyn reaches him quickly, a stitch in her side and her breath gasping.

“What are you doing? Get on the ship!” she shouts, even as she too turns her back to the craft and fires at the quickly nearing horde. 

“Not without you,” Cassian shouts back.

“What?!”

Cassian’s eyes burn into her when they find hers. “You really were going to kill yourself back there, weren’t you?”

A mixture of exasperation and terror fill Jyn at his words. “Cassian, there isn’t time-”

“And I bet you told Chirrut to take off without you, didn’t you?” The things are beginning to surround them and Jyn grabs Cassian’s sleeve as they begin to run again, ignoring his completely true accusation. “I’m not leaving you here, Jyn.”

Even as his words spark a strange glow in her stomach, Jyn’s eyes widen. The ghostly green face of one of the Rebels who had met them when they’d landed their ship suddenly appears before them. 

It’s instinct, nothing more, that throws Jyn in front of Cassian, that keeps her blaster in her hand even as teeth sink into her shoulder and rip and tear and shred. An instinct that tells her to protect what she loves, what she can’t live without, even if the moments she has to live are being drastically reduced by the burning pain in her shoulder, the hoarse screams in her throat, and the blood that soaks through her shirt in seconds. Then the tip of her blaster is pressed against the monster’s chin and it’s instinct that lets her squeeze the trigger.

She must blackout for a few moments, because the next thing Jyn knows she is in Cassian’s arms and he’s running towards the ship. There is blood - lots of blood - staining her skin, her hands, her shirt and Cassian’s. The pain in her shoulder reminds Jyn that the blood is hers, but it takes her another moment to register what her blood means. 

With a jolt Jyn begins to struggle against Cassian, but despite her trashing and her plees for him to let her down, to leave her, they are at the ship and even has Cassian’s boots hit mettle and her plees turn to shrieks she can hear the ship powering up around them.

She is screaming still, even as the ship’s ramp closes behind them and the floor shakes with the tell-tale jerk of a ship piloted by a less than experienced crew member leaving the ground. Cassian’s trying to speak to her, but she can’t hear him over the pounding in her ears. Even as he begins to set her down Jyn tears herself away from Cassian’s arms, throwing herself at the ship’s closed hatch and pounding on it, despite the pain the movement brings.

She shrieks to be let out, but she knows it’s too late. Eyes wide and frantic she turns on Cassian.

“What have you done?!” 

“Jyn.” Some part of her recognizes that his voice is broken. Despite this, and despite the eyes of all the surviving Rebels watching them, she continues to yell.

“You’ve just killed everyone on this ship, Cassian.”

“No-”

“I will kill them, do you understand? I will turn and I will kill them unless you put a hole in my head right now.” Her hands are slick with blood as she shoves her blaster into Cassian’s hands. He’d lost his when he’d carried her back to the ship and since she had stolen this one from his pack the first time she’d met him it seems only right that she return it now. She’d wondered that day if Cassian would lead her to her death. She would never have believed then that she would be the one pressing the blaster into his shaking hands, that his eyes would be so wide with horror, or that hers would fill with tears as she holds the blaster to her forehead and begs for him to kill her. 

“Please, Cass,” she all but sobs, the pain in her shoulder almost blinding her. “Please you have to do this. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Only an hour ago she had sworn to herself she would never ask Cassian to do this terrible thing. Now, knowing he would stop her in a moment if she tried herself, knowing she is to weak to fight him off, she finds it is her only hope. 

The cabin is still as Cassian adjusts his grip on the trigger.

Mariday’s voice comes from somewhere to her left. “Do it, Capitan. The poison travels faster when spread through a bite. She has an hour, maybe two. Do it.”

Cassian’s hand shakes and adjusts on the blaster again. The cabin returns to silence and though Jyn can sense Baze and Chirrut nearby, they are still. She’s grateful they aren’t making this any harder than it is. 

Her pain when she looks into Cassian’s face one final time is different from the tangible pain in her shoulder. This is not a pain she understands how to handle. It is the pain of heartbreak and love and she hates that she is only just using this word now to describe what she feels for Cassian. It has been the word for a long time, but only now can she allow herself to use it. The pain of heartbreak is so much worse than the pain shooting into her neck and arm, and she can see the same pain reflected in Cassian’s eyes. It is a relief when Jyn allows herself to close hers.

She can hear Cassian’s ragged breath, and feel the rise and fall of his shoulders as she continues to press the barrel of her blaster to her skin. She can taste the blood in the air - her blood, smelling of copper - and wishes only for a moment that instead of blood it was Cassian’s kiss she can taste.

Then she hears the clatter of metal on metal as Cassian throws her blaster to the ground. 

Jyn’s eyes fly open with a sob - whether of relief or disappointment she is not sure. Even as she cries out Cassian grabs her arm and begins dragging her down the ship’s short hallway towards the berths. There is shouting behind them but Cassian drags her on even as she tries to pull herself from his grasp and as her frantic, hysterical sobs continue.

“I’m not killing her,” Cassian shoots over her shoulder, presumably in answer to something one of the other Rebels said, although Jyn finds the ground is shifting and she is having trouble hearing. Her strength is beginning to fail her. “No one is killing anyone,” Cassian continues as they reach the first beth door. “Chirrut, Baze, lock the door from the outside, don’t open it before we’ve landed and there’s medcrew on standby. The Alliance may have a cure, and no one is doing anything until we get home and find out exactly what we are dealing with.” Any protests are blocked by the sound of the berth door sliding shut behind her.

Or, rather, behind _them_ because Cassian’s hand is still gripping her good arm, holding her up even as Jyn hears the lock seel from the outside. 

If Jyn had thought her sobs were hysterical before she realizes now how wrong she was. She rips herself from Cassian’s grasp. “Don’t touch me!” Surprise registers quickly on Cassian’s face. “What the Force is wrong with you?” she demands even as she gasps for air. “You can’t be in here with me. I’ll infect you, I’ll-I’ll kill you. Don’t you understand?”

Cassian keeps his voice calming, his palms outstretched, but even so Jyn pulls away further, pressing hr shaking frame against the far wall of the cramped space. “Jyn, it’s alright, you’re going to be ok.” 

Her tears are coming in earnest now and some part of Jyn can’t believe that the girl who had once been more than willing to turn her back on the Resistance is now crying over the love and loss of one of its members. The Rebellion - _Cassian_ \- gave her a home, and she will be damned if the last thing she does before she dies is tear the one thing she loves in this galaxy apart.

“Cassian, please, get out of hear,” she begs, but her voice is growing weak and she finds she has to grip the wall to stay standing.

“I’m not leaving you, Jyn.” The calmness in Cassian’s voice is final. At his words Jyn can feel the last of her fight, of her hope, drain out of her, taking her strength with it. He knees give out and she sinks to the ground as blood loss begins to take hold in earnest. Her shoulders shake with heaving sobs.

Suddenly a warmth envelops her as Cassian drapes a blanket from one of the bunks around her shoulders. Sitting on the floor next to her, Cassian pulls Jyn into his chest with one arm, his other hand bunching some of the blanket’s fabric together and pressing it into the wound in her shoulder, doing what little he can to stop the blood flow. Jyn finds herself so drained, so hopeless, that she allows this, no longer able to worry about infecting Cassian or turning on him or even her tears staining his shirt. 

Cassian rocks her gently, murmuring comforts to her as Jyn’s fear and despair flows out of her. The world is beginning to spin and she finds herself sobbing words almost incoherently as Cassian’s grip tightens on her.

“I don’t want to die, Cassian. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to kill you, Cassian. Please don’t let me kill you.”

The world is beginning to fade to black as Jyn’s eyesight narrows, and she finds she can’t hear Cassian’s response. But she can feel the rumble of his words and the rise and fall of his chest, the strength of his arms around her and the sensation of his lips pressing into her hair. These are the feelings - the feelings of Cassian _alive_ \- that Jyn holds on to even as the rest of her world fades to black. 

*******

After two weeks of isolation with only the med droids as visitors Jyn is beginning to wish she would turn into a green brain dead monster, just for something to do. She has been poked and prodded and tested and injected so many times since waking up in one of the medbay’s quarantine rooms that she occasionally wonders if it would have been less painful if she really had died on that ship in Cassian’s arms.

The little information she can gain from the GH-7 medical droid that visits her daily is that she has not turned into a used-to-be-human monster - a fact that, with very little medical training, Jyn has been able to pick up on herself - but that no one is entirely sure why. The more self assured doctors on base are claiming her recovery is due to one of the many formulas and cures they forced into her. The more practical wonder if perhaps the combination of the organism on the walls of the citadel and the infected saliva that had entered her system through the monster’s bite had canceled each other out. One or two of the more superstitious or perhaps more faithful believe that her kyber crystal and the Force may have played a role. Jyn can only assume Chirrut is counted among this number.

What she has not been able to find out from the droids, however, is how long the Resistance plans on keeping her locked up. The white walls, punctuated only be the observation mirror set into one of them and the solitary bed pressed against the other, had begun to wear on her by her second day. By the third her shoulder was well enough to allow her to get out of bed and begin pacing while waiting for the inevitable. It felt as though she had been pacing ever since, but the inevitable had yet to happen. 

The sound of the outer door to her room sliding open perks Jyn’s ears up. Despite the fact that the GH-7 droid’s only reason for visiting her is to stab her full of needles these are still the only visits she gets. The sound of the sterilizing machines follows, then shuts off, allowing the inner door to unlock and slide open.

“Bodhi!” Jyn’s joy at seeing her friend is evident in her voice. The room is small, so in just a few steps she is near enough to throw her arms around his slight frame. Bodhi laughs and hugs her back, but Jyn’s grip tightens as she remembers that Bodhi is just one of the many people she’d thought she’d never see again. “What happened?” she demands as she draws away. “Have they decided I’m not going to start eating people?”

Bodhi gives her a happy smile. “Yep. Apparently two weeks is enough to convince them that your system would have shown signs by now if you’d been infected. I’m here to tell you you’re free to go.”

“Thank the Force,” Jyn mutters. “I was about to start etching hashmarks into the wall with my fingernails. I would have even endured a visit from K.”

Bodhi smiles at her again, but this time there is something behind his eyes that worries Jyn. The look sparks memories of a small berth in a ship, the floor smeared with her blood, and a pair of strong arms around her. “Bodhi, where’s Cassian?”

“I’m not sure,” Bodhi admits. “When he carried you out of the ship’s berth he insisted you hadn’t hurt him, but they put him, and everyone else for that matter, in quarantine anyway. They were all released a few days ago, though. Since no one else had been bitten and that was more than the amount of time it took the first batch to turn I guess they figured it was safe. I haven’t really seen Cassian since.”

Jyn nods, her thoughts wild, thankful that no one else had been infected but worried about Cassian’s strange behavior. “I’ll try to track him down, see if he wants to talk. I was a bit of a mess before I blacked out on the ship if I remember correctly,” she admits. “But first, I’m going to go back to my quarters, take a real shower, and change into something less dreadful,” she teases, plucking at the off white tunic all medbay patients were supplied with in the hope that she can pull another smile out of Bodhi. She does.

*******

In the end she doesn’t need to go looking for Cassian. When the door to her small quarters slides open she finds him sitting on her bed, elbows resting on his knees. Jyn doesn’t question how he got in - he’s known her code almost as long as she’s occupied this room. She crosses the room and sits quietly next to him. 

“They finally let you out,” he notes, after a moment.

Jyn hums, then adds, “Bodhi said you were all under quarantine”

Cassian nods, not looking at her. “It was safest that way.”

There is another pause.

“What happened to the planet?” 

He still won’t look at her. “They declared it uninhabitable I guess. Command had made the decision even before I was released from medbay.”

“Good.” Jyn finds her voice is small. She pauses for another moment, trying to find the words. ‘Cassian?” She waits, but gets no response. She continues with a sigh, “I’m sorry I scared you, Cassian. I didn’t mean to.”

Cassian’s eyes finally find hers. They shift away almost as quickly, transfixed again on a spot across the room. “Sorry you tried to kill yourself, you mean?”

A shaky breath escapes Jyn at his words. “No Cassian, I’m not sorry for that. I was putting the mission in danger. I was putting _you_ in danger. I’d do it again in a minute. And you should have let me.”

“What?” Cassian turns on her and his voice is suddenly loud, full of anger and outrage and hurt. “Jyn, how can you say that?”

Struggling to keep her voice cool and calm Jyn counters, “Cassian, if you had been infected what would you have done?”

He’s shaking as he stares at her, his fists balled, his jaw clenched. Then he drops his eyes. “I would have done the same.” Defeat seems to crash over him and he lowers his head to his hands. His next words are so quiet Jyn hardly hears them. “And if you were anyone else I would have pulled the trigger myself.” 

Jyn’s breath hitches at his words and she can feel her own hands start to tremble. Her voice is almost as soft as his. “Cassian…”

“I put everyone on that ship in danger because of how I feel about you, Jyn. Because I can’t stand to lose you.” His shoulders are still hunched, and his eyes when they finally meet hers are somehow both tortured and full of hope. “And if I had to do it over again I’d make the exact same choice.”

She could see that his words scared him, that this new reality scared him, and, if she was being honest with herself, it scared her too. Terrified her, really. Life with the Rebels has taught Jyn to think of others before herself, but not like this. 

And yet, she realizes as Cassian’s hand finds hers, she has felt this pull, this _love_ for Cassian for so long now that she cannot place where the feelings began, when she allowed herself to lower her barriers just enough to allow this man, with his dark eyes and tortured soul, into her heart.

She had called it weakness back in the citadel, but she realizes now that allowing these emotions in takes strength, a strength she hadn’t know she’d had until this moment. 

Cassian’s fingers brush stray strands of Jyn’s hair behind her ears. She can see her own fear reflected in Cassian’s eyes - fear of loss and of what will happen to them and to the Rebellion if they allow themselves to feel what they have repressed for so long. But Leia always says that the fight means nothing if they have nothing to fight for, and when Cassian’s lips tough hers the fear is overshadowed by the love and joy and hope that drives not only these two lost, lonely souls, but the Rebellion itself. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoyed it and I would love to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment!
> 
> You can find me on tumber at [wearesuchstuff1](http://wearesuchstuff1.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Unfortunately, I do not own Star Wars or Rogue One.


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